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Queer Eye for the Straight Guy… REVERSED: Chapter Four (in Fanfiction)

…of Vanilla IceÂ’s “Ice, Ice, Baby” blared. “TAKE THAT PHONE AWAY FROM HER!” Gandalf roared, over Vanilla IceÂ’s crooning, “Ice, ice, baby.” Sam tackled Arwen and attempted to wrench the…

Smaug’s Solution (in Fanfiction)

…too. Aragorn: Are not! Arwen: Are too! Aragorn: I AM NOT A GOOD SPEAKER, ALRIGHT! What? Arwen: I told you. Well, I’m going to call him to see if he’s…

Gandalf Gets Promoted (in Fanfiction)

…anyone in their right mind be sitting on the phone? Elrond: Do I have to answer that? Arwen hangs up. Man: Are you Miss Arwen Umbrella? Arwen: No. Man: I…

The Fellowship of the Ring at the White House (in Fanfiction)

…thought you could get away with it! Didn’t you, but you aren’t getting away with anything now! (She pulls out a gun) Legolas: Now, Arwen, let’s not have a scene….

The Twelve Quotes of Legolas (in Karaoke Songs)

On the first day of traveling, Legolas said to me ‘My hair is all knotty!’ On the second day of traveling, Legolas said to me ‘I’m really tired.’ ‘And my…

A Phone Call with Elrond PART TWO (in Fanfiction)

Elrond is sitting on his throne, about to say something along the lines of, ‘We are all doomed! Doomed, I tell you, DOOMED!’ when something starts to ring. Everyone looks…

FotR: The Quest for World Domination Episode II (in Fanfiction)

…~hobbitluver~: *sighs* Alright, fine. Somebody bring me a phone! The employee brings a phone to ~hobbitluver~. She answers it on speakerphone. ~hobbitluver~: Yeah, whaddaya want? A childish voice on the…

The Commandeering of the Cursed Aztec Gold Ring With a Black Pearl (in Fanfiction)

…With sugar and pipeweed and beer and lembes and cookies and cake and fried rice and gummy bears and cream savers and chocolate kisses and popcorn and cheese sticks and

Isildur, a novel (in Fanfiction)

…Isildur arrives at Pelargir Jun 25 Muster of Pelargir begins Jun 27 Corsairs sail from Tolfalas; Gildor arrives at Pelargir Jun 28 Corsairs arrive at Ethir Anduin; Cirdan arrives at…

The Super Duper LOTR Story (in Fanfiction)

…having a big hoedown. Merry and Pip were doing cartwheels on a table and singing horribly, Aragorn was sitting in a corner sulking, and Gimli had just given Legolas a…