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Queer Eye for the Straight Guy… REVERSED: Chapter Four (in Fanfiction)

…of Vanilla IceÂ’s “Ice, Ice, Baby” blared. “TAKE THAT PHONE AWAY FROM HER!” Gandalf roared, over Vanilla IceÂ’s crooning, “Ice, ice, baby.” Sam tackled Arwen and attempted to wrench the…

Smaug’s Solution (in Fanfiction)

…too. Aragorn: Are not! Arwen: Are too! Aragorn: I AM NOT A GOOD SPEAKER, ALRIGHT! What? Arwen: I told you. Well, I’m going to call him to see if he’s…

Gandalf Gets Promoted (in Fanfiction)

…anyone in their right mind be sitting on the phone? Elrond: Do I have to answer that? Arwen hangs up. Man: Are you Miss Arwen Umbrella? Arwen: No. Man: I…

The Fellowship of the Ring at the White House (in Fanfiction)

…thought you could get away with it! Didn’t you, but you aren’t getting away with anything now! (She pulls out a gun) Legolas: Now, Arwen, let’s not have a scene….

A Phone Call with Elrond PART TWO (in Fanfiction)

Elrond is sitting on his throne, about to say something along the lines of, ‘We are all doomed! Doomed, I tell you, DOOMED!’ when something starts to ring. Everyone looks…

FotR: The Quest for World Domination Episode II (in Fanfiction)

…~hobbitluver~: *sighs* Alright, fine. Somebody bring me a phone! The employee brings a phone to ~hobbitluver~. She answers it on speakerphone. ~hobbitluver~: Yeah, whaddaya want? A childish voice on the…

The Commandeering of the Cursed Aztec Gold Ring With a Black Pearl (in Fanfiction)

…With sugar and pipeweed and beer and lembes and cookies and cake and fried rice and gummy bears and cream savers and chocolate kisses and popcorn and cheese sticks and…

The Lord of the Teeth – The Frenetic of the Teeth (in Subject Articles)

…Ogbert and Pegolas got a free hair-care coupon. And they all got a hamper and elven raincoats. They left in rowboats, reinforced with Stik Eetape, an elven adhesive. After several…

Mordor Number 5 (in Karaoke Songs)

…I do all to Conquer a land like your home ‘Cause you can’t run and you can’t hide You are gunna run and I’m gunna kill you Mordor number 5!…

The Plot to Hurt Aragorn (in Fanfiction)

…Aragorn’s ring. Rosie: And I’m tired of having Aragorn’s ring. Eowyn: And I’m tired of having Aragorn’s ring. Sam, Rosie, Arwen, Legolas, Eowyn: I’M TIRED OF ARAGORN! Merry and Pippin:…