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…quite clear that Túreb was the best man for the job. He would also take his number two man, Sador, who was extremely loyal to his chief. “Do not engage…

…We’re all screwed. Sam: Can’t you do something? Strider: I have an idea. (Pulls out a cell phone. Dials a number. A voice is heard on the other end.) Glorfindel:…

…a Wal*Mart bonus pack of men’s over-calf tube socks* I would ask only for the strength to defend my people… Frodo: Well THAT’S comforting. *sigh* Num– V2: *tunnel cell-phone…if the…

…game on his cell phone. “What a great idea,” thought Legolas, who immediently whipped out his own phone and selected a game. Suddenly, Boromir shouted out in his sleep: “I…

…SO SEXY! GO OUT WITH ME! MY PHONE NUMBER IS 817-302-4114! CALL ME! Love, Alexandria P.S. I LOVE YOU! To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Thanks! Thank you so much for…

…[email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: CALL ME!!!! LEGOLAS YOU ARE SO SEXY! GO OUT WITH ME! MY PHONE NUMBER IS 817-302-4114! CALL ME! Love, Alexandria P.S. I LOVE YOU! Legolas doesnÂ’t…

…do it. Watch this,” Aragorn ran over to a conveniently placed rope, took a nice long run-up and swung through the priceless glass with a great crash. “There goes the…

…film, it’s just a stupid parody designed to get a few cheap laughs. Elrond: Look, can we MOVE IT ALONG a bit? They’re having a sale on purple gowns in…

…air-ATCHOO! Setting: Bag End Gandalf: I AM NOT SOME SCANDRAL OF CHEAP TRICKS! (lights dim) IÂ’M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU! (lights flicker) IÂ’m trying to help you. Peter/Director: CUT!…

…pixies, thought Santa. Didn’t they know they were slaves? Apparently they did not. Half the elves went on a hunger strike, and, being a extraordinarily cheap dwarf, Santa’s only thought…