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Narrator 1: Back at Gondor-

Narrator 2: -Gandalf won’t shut up! Woo-hoo!

Gandalf: LISTEN TO ME!

Boromir: No.

Narrator 1: *does rimshot on drum set*

Gandalf: Fine…wait….NO! As queen-

Boromir: *twitches and starts to turn purple*

Gandalf: Uh…are you okay? Anyway, as queen-

Boromir: *twitches more frequently and briefly turns rainbow then turns purple again*

Gandalf: A-as Q-q-q-ue-en-

(BOOM!)

Narrator 2: At that moment Boromir spontaneously combusted.

Narrator 1: Chemically impossible biznitch!

Narrator 2: Well, biznitch, as you can see by this chart…*pulls out goldfish*

Narrator 1: *in state of shock*

Gandalf: AHHH!

Narrator 2: As the smoke lessened Boromir could be seen on the throne.

Boromir: Sorry, wasn’t listening, what were you saying?

Gandalf: But..you just…

Boromir: …What?

Gandalf: Oh nevermind. You are charged with the defense of this city! Where are Gondor’s
armies?

Boromir: Cuba.

Gandalf: What?!

Faramir: No not Cuba, that’s where we sent the ice cream trucks. Remember?

Gamling: Why?

Faramir: Duh! To make room for the tuna!

Narrator 2: Meanwhile, a Gondorian opens the door to the Ice Cream Truck Garage and gets
buried under a flood of tuna.

Boromir: Oh yeah. *turns to Gandalf, who’s still waiting for an answer* I dunno.

Gandalf: WHAT! YOU ARE UNDER SIEGE! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW WHERE
YOUR ARMIES ARE!??

Boromir: Relax Pops, it’s only bloody Dress Rehearsal. Look out the bloomin’ window.

Faramir: I thought we sent those to Cuba.

Narrator 2: Narrator 1, it’s your line.

Narrator 1: *in shock*

Narrator 2: Narrator 1? CLEAR!!! *pulls out cattle prod and shocks Narrator 1 repeatedly*

Narrator 1: Gandalf mira y ver los orcos que estan en la tierra.

Narrator 2: I guess that’s better. Gandalf sees a bunch of orcs listening intently to the pink puffy
orc-

Pink Puffy Orc: -I have a name you know!

Narrator 2: (happily) I don’t care! The orc is wearing a director’s burret and sunglasses and is
yelling through a megaphone from his little chair.

P.P.Orc: Okay! Now we’ll rehearse Orc #382’s death scene… and ACTION!

Narrator 1: Un orco empieza caminar.

Narrator 2: Stop with all the Spanish!

Narrator 1: No.

Narrator 2: Ha! That was English!

Narrator 1: No.

Narrator 2: Denial. Anyway the orc is walking by.

P.P. Orc: Cue stabbination!

Narrator 2: An orc runs out and stabs Orc #382. He twitches and stops moving.

P.P. Orc: Good job! Let’s do that again, with more angst.

Orc #382: *still not moving*

P.P. Orc: Hey! Listen to me!

Orc #382: *quite obviously dead*

P.P. Orc: That’s it! YOU’RE FIRED BUDDY!

Orc #382: *still dead*

Gandalf: Uh, I think I’ll go help the Fellowship.

Narrator 2:Whilst this be a-happenin’ the fellowship be campin’ oot.

Narrator 1: Out.

Narrator 2: Where?

Narrator 1: Out.

Narrator 2: …I got nothin’

Denethor: Here Aragorn, I made you a baked potato.

Aragorn: Thanks.

Sam: NO!!! IT’S A BOMB!!!

Galadriel: *throws it away*

(BOOM!)

Denethor: Um, I guess I overcooked it.

Aragorn: Galadriel, why’d ya throw the bomb away? I thought you hated all of us.

Galadriel: Oh yeah. *pulls out baked potato* Here, I made you a baked potato.

Aragorn: Thanks!

Sam: NO!!! IT’S A BOMB!!! *throws it away, nothing happens*

Aragorn: Sam! Why do you have to be so paranoid? There was nothing wrong with that potato.

BOOM

Galadriel: Curses. *walks away*

Narrator 2: While that was happening Merry was in the corner.

Narrator 1: Corner of what?

Merry: *reading from grammar book* The puppy shared his toys with the other puppies.
Interesting, the verbs be singular despite the abundanced of plural nouns which beed through the
sentence.

Narrator 1: Everyone has returned to their normal business.

Pippin: Hey Frodo! What ‘cha doing?

Narrator 2: Frodo is hunched over a notebook writing as fast as a frightened nerd at a football
game.

Piippin: What a strange analogy…

Frodo: Sorry Pippin, did you say something?

Pippin: What are you doing?

Frodo: Oh this? *looks at notebook with insane glint in eye* I’m developing a mathematical
formula that will create a wormhole in the space time continueum which can transport us directly
to Mordor! Yes, soon, very soon, I will have power over all the laws of physics!
Mwahahahahahaha! *normal again* But I still need to balance a couple equations.

Pippin: Oh. Good luck with that. *walks away*

Merry: The puppy likes to swim. Why does all this sentences be abouts puppies? Oh wellz….

Narrator 1: Elsewhere, Sam is making soup.

Sam: Gimli could you fetch me some oregano?

Gimli: Sorry Sam, I don’t see any oregano around here.

Sam: That’s because you need to take that bag off of your head.

Gimli: Never!

Sam: Oh well. *stirs the soup*

Denethor: What is that?

Sam: Soup.

Denethor: THAT, is not soup.

Sam: YES, it is.

Merry: The puppy thoroughly dislikes lettuce…

Denethor: I think you misunderstand me. I’m talking about the stuff in the cooking pot.

Sam: IT’S SOUP!!!

Denethor: Whatever you say. If you’ll excuse me I’ll be calling the poison control center. Thanks
to you we’ll probably be needing them. *walks away*

Sam: Argh!

Aragorn: *to self* Wait a second, he tried to kill me again!

Narrator 2: Sam pulls out a knife.

X528: MIRGOT???

everyone: *ignors*

X528: PRECIOUS!?

Uncle:Wait…I know that voice. *pulls off X528 mask* Gollum! Bad Gollum! *slaps*

Gollum: tee-hee.

Legolas: Why are you laughing?

Gollum: tee-hee

Legolas: Why…are…you…LAUGHING?!

Gollum: tee-hee.

Legolas: STOP MOCKING ME PUNK!!

Narrator 2: And thus it was, that Legolas drop-kicked Gollum into the river.

Narrator 1: Don’t you think that’s a bit violent?

Narrator 2: He’s in a very emotional place right now. *nods head sadly*

Pippin: The elves are acting strange.

Narrator 1: A butterfly flies by.

Legolas: Oh hello little butterfly! Are you lost? Here! Have my lembas!

Narrator 2: Uh, anyway.

Denethor: *to self* Where the hell is my wallet? I don’t remember leaving it anywhere…

Sam: *creeps toward Denethor*

Aragorn: *sees Sam and nods a lot*

Legolas: Aragorn, are you feeling okay? *notices Sam, smacks Aragorn in the back of the head*
Sam, no.

Sam: But I have Aragorn’s permission.

No.

Sam: WHO SAID THAT!?

Faramir: me. I’m your conscience.

Sam:Why?

Faramir: I need the money. Anyway, don’t stab…

Denethor: Did I hear Faramir? *turns to see Sam with the raised weapon* ASSASSIN!!

Narrator 2: Denethor un-sheaths his wiffle bat and tries to hit Sam, misses, and knocks Aragorn
unconscious.

Denethor: Score! *looks at wiffle bat, it’s broken* Oh well…*throws it in river*

What will the Fellowship do without their leader? Will Sauron’s forces finish Dress Rehearsal on
time? Will the plot begin to move in a forward direction?

I don’t know.
Bye.